Interpretation.

Though the work I will be writing from will be The Boys Next Door I am going to specifically be zoning in on the character Jack. He has such a big role in this play as the social worker working with these four men with mental handicaps. He basically supervises them while letting them try to make it out in the world. They all live in a group home together and Jack comes over practically every day to make sure they are okay. You can tell that the four men need this in their lives just by some of the scenarios that are presented. For instance, Arnold is taken advantage of in the grocery store and Jack is there to help him work through that. Lucien is about to get his government money cut and Jack is trying to prepare him for the court date coming up. Jack plays such a huge role in helping these four men live the most normal life they can. Though he is doing the best he can, it is completely apparent that he is coming to the end of his wire. There is only so much he can do to help these men, and he seems to be getting overwhelmed with trying too hard to do too much. Throughout the play there is several times he really bares his soul to the audience and we see what is going on behind his façade. He tries to put on a strong mask before the four men to be like a rock for them, but in these few moments he completely shows us just how much he is struggling. He is struggling so much that he ends up quitting his job to go work somewhere else. And it is in these few moments that he really opens up that I would like to focus on.

It may seem like the speeches he gives can be taken at face value. Though at times this is true, at other times I believe we should look deeper at the underlying things he is trying to get through to us. Throughout this play it is easy to lose focus of Jack and not pay him as much attention because after all we are paying close attention to the four men with handicaps. Obviously they are a central part of the play, but Jack is also a very important part to this play and he should not be overlooked. I think if we were to really study his character we would find a lot of things that were “hidden” or overlooked accidentally.

I think a lot of people have pegged this play as a way to raise awareness for people with mental handicaps. While this is partially true of this play, I definitely do not think that is the sole reason for this work. I believe this author did a wonderful job at giving us all a reality check in many aspects of life. Even just in the fact that we are so blessed to have the life we do. It reminds us that though this life has many struggles, God made us all unique in our own way and He loves us more than any of us could possibly comprehend. I think that is a very central theme of this play, even though it may not have been the author’s intention.

For Jack specifically I think throughout this work he was learning and growing. It was obvious that he had no real home life anymore. At one point while he was sharing his feelings to the audience he mentioned running into his ex wife, and the feelings that were presented there. He said she looked great. While mentioning the conversation they had I felt that she had no understanding of why he did what he did for a living. How is this possible? How could they be married and she not understand his intentions or motivation for the work he was doing? That showed me that they had no communication. I imagine that while they were married, a huge problem in their relationship would be his work. I don’t feel like he was very good at separating his work life from his personal life because he was so involved with this group of guys. I just know that Jack had a huge heart and wanted to completely help these men in whatever way he could. At the very beginning of the play he mentions that he is burnt out, and I believe that throughout this book he really grew just by making the steps to end this job. If he were to continue trying to help these men, I think it would eventually end up affecting his health in a negative way. Not just his physical health, but also his emotional and spiritual. It’s interesting to see how just his decision to quit affected each of these men. I think it would be even more interesting to see what happened with the rest of their lives.

Really analyzing Jack and the development of his character throughout his life can really affect you. Just seeing the love he is showing and has for these four guys is incredible. Although he is getting more and more frustrated by all the little things that make up one big thing, you can just tell he is trying so hard to make their lives better. Even at the very end when Jack talks to Barry in the psych ward you can just see the love he has for them. Yet he has to quit his job before it ends his own life. This love is something we should all strive for, I think.          

A very old man.

When you think you’ve read the most intriguing, confusing, weird story ever written.. Professor Corrigan assigns another one.

The first thing I would like to ask is how is this a tale for children? Perhaps I could understand it better if I had the mindset of a child, and I wasn’t trying to analyze every little thing as much as I have been. Though I highly doubt that is the case. Something that shocks me in both of these stories we have read recently is the people’s complete lack of concern for a human life. Whether it is a child or an elderly man with wings. Of course, this is fiction. I guess I shouldn’t forget that.

Is their significance in the fact that the boy got better after the angel had arrived at their house? Or that both the angel and the boy got chicken pox at the same time? I feel like there is, I just can’t pin point it. Especially since when the angel left, there was no fanfare. Neither was there any correlation between him leaving and the boy seeing. However, the mom saw and felt relief. This would make sense though because she felt he was slightly a nuisance wandering about the house.

Another interesting thing I saw were the discussion questions at the end of the story. One of them asked us to discuss how the “very old man” had impacted the lives of the man and wife together. It is hard for me to see how he really did in any significant way. It’s not like they were struggling to begin with and then the angel brought them together. So in what way did this guy bring their family together? They did make plenty of money by showing him off as a spectacle. Stories like these just really make me want to get inside the author’s head. I really wish I could just know what they were thinking while writing this story and what intentions they had for each character.

December First!

Wow. Just wow. This story is completely different than anything I have ever read before. I definitely was not expecting all the turns the story took either. I don’t really know what to think. I was trying to figure out the significance of the child in the room, and my mind kept on changing as the story progressed. At first I thought maybe it represented all that is bad in the world. We just try to tuck it all away, or sweep it under the table instead of really acknowledging that it is there. And then when the author said this:

“It is the existence of the child, and their knowledge of its existence, that makes possible the nobility of their architecture, the poignancy of their music, the profundity of their science.”

my mind changed again. It confuses me. I feel like I’m so close to what I’m trying to think, and yet I just can’t quite get it out. Does that make any sense? It kinda reminded me of the hope thing we briefly talked about earlier in the class. How there is really no point of hope if you never go through trying times. So like, there really is no bliss without the badness of life or pain. So that was another thought that ran through my mind.

Then what is going on with this town? I feel like they’re crazy! I mean, I guess I understand what he was trying to do. He was just trying to make us picture our own perfect world, right? Then.. BAM! the child comes into the mix. Then he talks about people just walking out of this perfect little town. But then they walk into something even better? How is that possible?

Obviously, it was a very different story than most. Or at least most that I have read. I am excited to hear what everyone else has to say about it tomorrow though. And after we discuss it, I will probably have more clarity on the whole thing.

Philippians

I love the book of Philippians. I just find it so encouraging, for some reason. I have read it several times, and every time I see something new or something takes on a new meaning then it did the previous time. It is so refreshing when that happens. Like God is revealing something to you that is just for you. It’s a great thing to think about, in my opinion.

Anyway, there’s a prompt for this post I do believe. So as I was reading through it I was specifically looking for metaphors. There was only one that really stuck out to me. Now, of course, that is not to say that it is the only one. Nor is it to say that what I thought was a metaphor really is a metaphor. I’m not very good at discerning things like that. So the one that stuck out to me was this:

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

Is that a metaphor? Maybe the reason I thought it was is because this isn’t usually how the world views things.. But I’m not sure if it is a metaphor or not. Another one that made me wonder was this:

“But you know of his proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father.”

I thought maybe this was more like symbolism? Just because it is relating it to something else. Or maybe it is something completely different.. Either way, these two quotes of Paul make you really think about what he is trying to get across. In the second quote I wrote, it uses really good imagery and makes me relate it to something else that is easier for me to understand. Whereas before, it was almost on a level that I couldn’t really understand. It didn’t have as much feeling behind it as it does now that I can understand it on my level.  

Symbolism

Symbolism. Although I read the chapter, this was a difficult subject for me to fully digest. There were so many literary terms I was having to look stuff up left and right. And then when I read the blog post for this blog, and I read the story, I did not understand how I could relate the story to symbolism in any way. So, that was a no go for me. Of course, I also was not there on Tuesday to participate in any of the discussion or activity, so I am probably a little lost in that aspect.

I did think the story very interesting though. Why did they only call the child, the child? Why did they never say her name? But she’s also the narrator, I guess. Yet, it refers to “the child” all the time. I thought that was a little different. And what was the moral of the story, exactly? Or was it one of those things that doesn’t really have a moral, it’s just a story. Definitely interesting.

In terms of “reading, interpreting, and criticizing” however I think I can manage. Upon first reading this, I was a little befuddled, I won’t lie. Just because it was definitely a unique story, or at least way of writing a story. I interpreted the child to be a very curious young girl. She obviously thought she was smarter than the other kids, but I feel like that was mainly because she was maybe more mature than they were in some ways. Then again, I also feel like she was a little less mature in some ways also. They were a little older than she was, and had their minds set on different things, that is the truth. Either way, the child was the star of the show.

Reflecting

So I decided to reflect upon the past week or two and the play we read, since we had no designated reading for this upcoming class. Since this course is supposed to be all about helping and teaching us to read better, I wanted to see if this assignment really did help me learn to read any better. I felt that I gained something from just reading the play the first time through, without any special activities. But then when we read some of the lines with each other in class, it really brought it to life for me. It was just a little more real. Especially hearing how some of the other people portrayed their characters.

Also, the girl that spoke to us in class was wonderful I thought. She just had so much energy and passion about what she was talking about. I loved hearing it! And she also brought out a new side of the play that I wouldn’t have come up with, or even known to think about on my own. Then the last big thing which completely brought the play to life was visiting Alliance for Independence. Seeing the people there and even meeting a couple was so neat.

So I do think that the way we’ve been reading in this class is molding me into a better reader. It is really making me want to do more research and investigate more things than just the face value of the story. I feel that it helps me to really understand and even engage texts better when I put more effort into it. Even just finding things out about the author and the purpose for them writing the story makes a big difference. It really changes your perspective. Another thing I’ve noticed recently, is how the meaning of a book can change depending on when you read it. Kind of like Bible passages meaning different things at different times.

Essay

I read the essay by Dr. Fettke. I also had a chance to meet his son, Phillip, on the field trip. One of the major things I found interesting about this essay was when he talked about people of the church not thinking people with disabilities made in God’s image. That is something I have never heard, nor thought before. I have heard about some people thinking that people with mental disabilities were demon possessed. This is something I have never believed though. So, I found it really interesting that apparently so many people think that humans with mental or physical disabilities were not created in God’s image. I wonder how people can think that though. The Bible says that man was created in His image, does it not? It doesn’t specify that only “certain” people were made in His image. I find that to be very frustrating.

How much more so would someone with a relative close to them with a mental handicap, feel? Or better yet, how does that person with the mental handicap feel? Even though life seems so unfair sometimes, God has to have a purpose for it all, right? Or is that just my naiveté speaking?

One line that stuck out to me was this:

“Hauerwas notes that “helping” the handicapped can actually expose our own weakness, by which he means “our own sense of helplessness and loneliness.”

What I took this to mean was that sometimes when we reach out to the handicapped or try to help them, we feel vulnerable and our own “problems” come to the surface. Maybe that is why many people shy away from things like this? I feel that whenever I am around people with mental handicaps or such, I feel loneliness. But it’s not loneliness for me. Instead, it is more of the loneliness that I expect them to be feeling. And in return I have a desire to fill that void they are experiencing in their lives.

Continuing the story

So, I finished the rest of the play we read. I won’t lie, I cried a little. Especially when Barry’s father came and was such an idiot. We watched that part of the movie in my social work class, and it was portrayed even worse then. It is just really hard to imagine someone being so completely insensitive. On one hand, I can understand that the dad probably has issues of his own and there are probably reasons that he acts the way he does, but I just don’t want to give him any excuses for what he did. Maybe I’m being insensitive in thinking that way. Either way, that really affected me.

Another thing that was pretty sad is that Jack had to leave, and then their reaction to that. I completely understand why he had to leave. It was getting to be way too much for him, and he wasn’t able to separate himself from his work. That’s really hard for a person to handle. I just think it is so sad that it has to be that way. But that’s life, I guess. It’s a tough thing to grapple with though. It makes you wonder what will happen when Jack leaves, and the next person takes his place. Will the four men develop the same type of relationship with the new social worker as they had with Jack? Then the cycle would continue whenever that social worker got overwhelmed and someone new had to come in. Eventually I feel like they would just decide not to get close to people because it seems as if they all leave. Of course, maybe because of their disabilities, they wouldn’t think like that. I know that is what happens to kids and things quite a bit though.

I’m really curious to see how the field trip on Monday is going to go. I want to know what we’ll be doing there, and what kind of things we’ll see. Interacting with people who have mental disabilities is hard for me. Not because I’m necessarily scared or are unsure of what to do, although that does happen sometimes. But it’s mostly because I get sad. I feel bad that they have to live with that, and then I feel bad that I feel bad for them. Like I’m diminishing their life just because I feel bad for them. So, I don’t know. It’s something I think about.

The Boys Next Door

I absolutely love the story we are reading now! I feel like it is such a change from the other stuff we’ve been reading lately, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Typically, I get very defensive whenever anybody makes fun of someone with a disability or anything of that nature, but I felt like this story put it in a new perspective for me. I felt like it was portrayed in a way that made me feel less sorry for them. Like they still live, and develop relationships and do things, it’s just different then what I do. Obviously they still need help, and you can see that in the fact that several people took advantage of them.

The writer makes the situation humorous. What’s interesting is that I watched part of it in my Social Work class this morning, and the movie was pretty darn different then the story. I like the story better, since it’s more graphic. However, I really wish I could see it in play form.

Anyway, I’m curious as to what kind of research the author did before writing this. Maybe he has had experience with people who have disabilities? I feel like he would have had to do a lot of insurance to know all of their little niches, and unique qualities. Also, the social worker in the story seems to be getting pretty frustrated. I think he is having trouble separating his work from his home life, which is never good. And I feel like maybe he is putting too much on himself, in the way that these four guys are living. Like he wants to see some major improvements, and whenever things don’t work like that, he seems to be greatly discouraged. I don’t think this is good for him as an individual. I feel like he needs to learn to separate himself from his work more and relax a bit more. I could be totally wrong though. J

Park

I went to Lake Bonny Park for this field trip, and I stayed for at least fourty-five minutes.

So this nature visit was very interesting, for me. I went Monday evening and the sun was beginning to set a few minutes before I left. Needless to say, it was very pretty. I have always enjoyed sunsets and this one reflected off the trees in a very grand way. I found it a little difficult to concentrate on my reading when I first got there, because there was a lot of commotion. A huge group of guys in trucks came and were playing flag football, and there was a soccer game going on, and there were also quite a few kids playing on the playground. So there were quite a bit of things distracting me, until I found a way to get somewhat by myself and tune the rest out.

I spotted one tree that really stuck out to me. It was a red tree in the midst of all the green ones. So as the sun was setting and hitting this tree in its unique light, it sure was sight to behold. I ended up focusing on this for quite a while and I looked at the lake for a bit too. There is just something about water, and the reflections in the water that are so mesmerizing, don’t you think? Personally, I could look at it for hours.

Another thing I noticed was that to begin with, all I could hear was the sounds of the kids playing and the soccer game. But once I was about to get slightly away from all of that and tune some of it out, I noticed the little things of nature that we usually miss. Like the noises the birds make, the wind making the leaves rustle, the wind making the water move. It’s those sounds and sights that inspired my two nature poems:

One-

The way the sun hits the trees,

Makes you never want to shut your eyes.

Of course, you only get this unique picture

When the sun is on its descent.

Where is it going?

It’s on its way to provide someone with

A beautiful sunrise, I suppose.

The reflection in the lake

Is almost as beautiful as the image of the tree.

And all this is because of the sun.

Two-

As I look at the clouds, they almost look unreal.

Like maybe they were simply painted there.

The mixture of blue, pink, and cream;

It’s a fruit smoothie for the eyes.

What else is a greater confirmation

That there is a God who created it all?

The birds ceaselessly chirping,

I wonder if they’re singing praises

In the unique way that only birds can.

What a beauty.

Nature poetry

I can honestly say that class on Tuesday gave me a new appreciation for poetry. Now, of course this doesn’t mean that I understand even half of the poetry that I read, but I can read through it and do the best that I can in interpreting it without detesting it now. I didn’t realize that the Bible has a lot of poetry in it. I think that is because I feel differently about the Bible, and when I don’t understand something I talk to others about it. Poetry however, has never been on my list of things to discuss.

Upon reading our nature poem again, I felt that I could relate to the story a little easier having seen all the visual aids in class on Tuesday. Like Jessica said, it made the story more vibrant and colorful. I really like the imagery and wording in the very first paragraph, and the ones towards the very end.

“Rain lashing the windshield.”

For me, simply the word lashing, makes me view this image in a completely different way then had they used the word hitting, for instance. It makes it so much more vivid, I think. I really like that about a writer. Keeps things interesting. Also, I like how the author actually tells the story. He begins with describing the girl, and then he says that she has this book in her book bag which talks about nature. So then he goes on to tell different things about what that book will tell her about our world and the things in it.

Then when he ends the story, he goes back to the imagery of the girl walking across the street and the crazy rain. I really like this quote:

“What is to be done with our species? Because

We know we’re going to die, to be submitted

To that tingling dance of atoms once again,

It’s easy for us to feel that our lives are a dream-

As this is, in a way, a dream: …”

Then it goes on to talk about bodies being in heaps and such, but I don’t like that as much. However, I think it’s interesting when he says “tingling dance of atoms”. What exactly does that mean? And if we’re doing it “once again” then we must have already done it at least once before, right?

And then what does it mean that “As this is, in a way, a dream:”? How are our lives a dream? Even though I don’t fully understand it, I like it. Maybe I like it because of the way it sounds, or maybe I like it because it makes me think. Either way, all I know is that I like that quote.

Pass

I have decided to pass today :)

PDF

Right off the bat, I liked our little essay we read. I felt like it was going to be humorous and I totally related with the writer! I mean, half the stuff we read I don’t understand, and apparently he experienced the same thing. Of course, what’s different about him is that he probably had actual reason for not understand, whereas I just don’t have that developed of a brain.

The first time I ever had any experience with lectio divina was last year in first teams, actually. Our first teams leader explained to us what it was and the purpose of it, and we exercised it a few times. I feel like this is something that can really benefit us in our spiritual walk, while we are trying to dive deep into God’s Word. I have never thought about doing this with literature other than Scripture. In fact, I ashamedly say that I haven’t thought about it at all since that time we did it in first teams. However, now that I’ve read this essay, it does make me want to give it a shot again.

I wasn’t in class on Tuesday, unfortunately, but I heard that you guys practiced this with the Sonny story. I wasn’t there, so maybe that is why I fail to understand how that could benefit us at all. Personally, I did not like the story we had to read for class, so maybe that is why I don’t think it would have done me any good. I guess I really shouldn’t knock it till I try it though, right? Whenever I re-read the section for tomorrow’s class, maybe I will give it a whirl.

Anyway, back to what I was saying about doing lectio divina with other literature. I think it is an interesting concept that he brought up. I’m sure he’s not the only that thought of it, of course. But I think maybe it would help me to understand some things that I would usually have trouble understanding. Like if there was a poem or something of that nature that I found particularly difficult to understand, maybe if I gave this a try, it would help me to understand it better.

Sonny's Blues

After finishing off this story, my first thought was that I did not like this story. I didn't like the way it made me feel. Recently, a friend of the family’s who also goes to my church, just lost his daughter. And just a couple of months ago, he lost his dad. My heart has been breaking for this man ever since I found out his daughter passed away last week. She was twenty-one years old and died accidentally. This has absolutely nothing to do with the story, but this story for some reason just made my heart so heavy.

I naturally have a sensitive heart. My major is social work. Lately, I feel like there is so much nastiness in the world that the good cannot shine through it. So, this story did nothing to cheer me up.  I just feel so bad for the guy in the story. I feel like he was sucked in to the drug scene, and there was no way for him to get out. It is so true that so many of them that get addicted can never get a release from that. It is just so sad to me. But not only was his drug habit affecting just him, but it affected his brother also. It’s so crazy how that works. There is nothing that we do that doesn’t affect others around us. You could tell in the story that his brother wanted to be able to help him, he just didn’t know how.

I didn’t fully understand the ending. Was he back on drugs or was he finding his way in playing music through other things? I feel like his life story was good enough to be able to play his music well enough. However, I just don’t have the mind of a musician, I guess? So, I don’t know.  

Half way through the semester.

So, I really liked filling out the blogging portfolio actually. It showed me what I need to do to improve my blogs, and I got a chance to read through my older blogs too. I got the chance to do the same thing while filling out the commenting portfolio too. Therefore, I think it was a very productive thing to do. Surprisingly enough.

As I am preparing for the mid-term, I have skimmed through a few stories and re-read the chapters in our literature book. It always surprises me how much I miss the first time I read something. I especially realized this as I was reading the chapters out of the literature book again. Of course, I don’t think I read them well enough the first time, so maybe that is why so much stuck out to me the second time around. Either way, I learned a lot.

I really liked the exercise of reading our short stories together and discussing them in small groups. Everyone had really good stories, and we had great discussion to boot. It was interesting to see how everyone’s personality kind of came out in their stories. A couple people wrote about something that was pretty prominent in their lives at the moment. With me, even though I didn’t necessarily write about something specific going on in my life, a few things came through that I didn’t even realize until after I read it again later on. I thought that was kind of cool. Like I subconsciously wrote about what I was feeling. It was a good experience to hear other people’s thoughts on each other’s stories. It kind of gave us new and different perspectives on each story. Some people saw it differently than the writer was intending and some just agreed with the writer. Anyway, I personally liked the exercise a whole lot, and to begin with I was sort of dreading doing it because I didn’t want to write a story and then I didn’t want to read it to other people! But it all turned out good. J

Short story.

The house smelled of cinnamon. Cinnamon was her favorite smell. Don’t ask her why though, because she couldn’t tell you. All she knew was that cinnamon smelled more magnificent to her then the most beautiful flower ever did. She contemplated going out and buying a car freshener with a cinnamon scent. Why was she thinking about this? She should be focusing on what her mother was telling her about her extremely distant Aunt Jo. But her mother just rambled on and on, and Shelly didn’t have that great of an attention span, so it was nearly impossible for her to pay attention to every word she said. Her mother should know that though. After all, she had to deal with her husband who was exactly like Shelly in that aspect.

Shelly was unique. She was beautiful with her glossy dark brown hair and hazel eyes, but this wasn’t what made her unique. After all, there are many beautiful girls in the world. Shelly had the sweetest temperament and forgiveness came as naturally as breathing, yet that wasn’t what made her unique either. Shelly was unique, just because. Just because God created her that way. There was something about her that was just off. Not off in a bad sense, but just off. Period. End of story.

After her mother had finished her spiel, Shelly ran out the door hoping to get away before her mom came up with something else to be said. As she was driving across town to do a little last minute Christmas shopping, she blared the holiday music that usually so quickly got on her nerves. Today though, it was just what the doctor ordered. She kept an eye on her speedometer making sure not to go more than 5 over the speed limit. She felt it safe to go five over the speed limit simply because her dad had once told her that police will typically think it’s okay if that’s all you’re speeding.

Little did Shelly know, the events that would take place in the next ten minutes would change her life for the rest of her days on this earth. As Shelly was going around the curve that would take her to her destination; another driver coming in the opposite direction, too impatient to ride behind the semi, hit her head on. Since the other driver was going well over five miles over the speed limit, the impact was brutal. Both drivers were rushed to the hospital in what seemed like critical condition.

All Shelly could think about was her parents and her car. She felt fine but the way the paramedics were carrying on, she was almost certain something was seriously wrong with her. So she prayed. However, it wasn’t a prayer for herself.  She prayed that her parents would be able to find the ability somewhere in their hearts to forgive her for completely wrecking their new car. She knew it was one of her father’s favorite possessions. Even after she had been in the hospital for nearly twenty minutes, the assistants were still thinking the worse when it came to Shelly’s condition.

However, upon further examination at the hospital, Shelly was quite okay besides the plethora of scratches and bruises. The other guy was not in as great of shape. He was currently in a coma, and had severe brain damage. With Shelly being in the same hospital as the other driver, she went to visit and pray over him every day. She knew that God was going to heal him, she just knew it. Prayer consumed her days. After she was released to go home, she wasn’t able to visit the man as frequently, yet that did not stop her in the slightest from praying for him.

Shelly felt so close to God in those moments she was praying for the healing of the other driver. She could almost see the faces of lives that were going to be saved, by the miracle that was going to take place. She would write down Scripture that dealt with healing and God’s power, and recite them throughout the day.

Upon returning to the hospital one day, she found the man’s bedroom empty. The nursing staff informed her that he had passed away the night before. Shelly was in complete shock. She had felt that God was going to heal him. She had known it deep inside of her. How could he be dead?

Over the next couple of weeks, she cried herself to sleep every night and asked God the same questions over and over. How could I know for certain he was going to be healed and the fruits not take place? Why? No answers were given. Normally, such a happy and positive person, Shelly became complacent and frustrated and quick to snap back at anything said to her. It was obvious to her parents that something should be done to help Shelly, but it wasn’t as obvious as to what that should be.

Shelly did some deep soul searching. She felt lost, confused, and alone. She didn’t want to forsake her belief and love of God, but that is where she felt herself headed. Shelly couldn’t hear God speaking to her anymore. When she read the Bible, the words no longer held any meaning. She had so many things going through her head, and none of them were good. She felt this loss like it was the loss of her own flesh and blood.

Then, she smelt cinnamon. In that instance, it was like a full spring of hope welled up inside of her. She didn’t know where it came from, just like she didn’t know why she loved the smell so much. All she knew was that she had just been refreshed. It was like a revelation without any questions actually being answered. She felt a peace. A peace that passed all understanding. It was almost like a presence, that couldn’t be seen or touched, just felt. And she felt it with every part of her being. This was something that could never be forgotten.

I really liked the discussion in class Thursday about our reading. It made me understand a few things a little better, and it gave me a different perspective on some things also. Re-reading The Blessed House helped me out too. I felt like I understood it a bit better. I didn't really find it an extremely humorous story though. Or really even slightly humorous. Interesting, yes. Unique, yes. Captivating, maybe. Humorous, no. Maybe I just have a different type of sense of humor. Or maybe I need to see the story in acting form. Either way, I had to search for things to laugh about.

When analyzing the characters though, I learned something that relates to everyone in life, not just in this story. Everyone is someone in God, whether they know it or not. If you know that you are someone in God though, what does that mean? Can you do anything with that knowledge? Like you can evaluate your inner self and outer self and work on making things better, but what do you do with your self in God? Do you just know that you are nothing without God because He is the one that created you, and that's it? Something to think about.

I feel like in this story that the characters didn't really know each other yet. He was just figuring out someone of the things she did which annoyed him. That makes sense because they had only known each other for about four months before tying the knot. Then again, how can you really get to know anyone unless you are living with them day in and day out? Only then can you really see everything quirky thing about them. I wonder if Sanjeev really liked Twinkle after that party. I felt like he was really frustrated and annoyed during the party until he had that "moment" where he "felt" something. Which that doesn't really make a lot of sense to me, either. Did that moment just vanish when Twinkle came down the stairs?

One specific thing the class discussion helped me to understand, was one of the very last little paragraphs where he was talking about her shoes. He told her that he had put them in the bedroom and she said thanks, but that her feet her. That didn't really make sense until we made the connection to earlier in the story where he fantasized about her coming down the stairs and running to put the shoes on. However, now that I think about it, earlier in the story he didn't like for her to wear the high-heels and even tried to get her not to wear them. Weird.

A unique story.

This Blessed House was a very unique story, in my opinion. All the way from the character's names to the ending of the story, it kept me intrigued. This was another one of those stories that make me feel like I'm missing something though. That maybe there is this hidden meaning (there has to be) and I'm just not catching on. Maybe if I read it two or three more times the meaning will hit me.

Anyway, I liked how Sanjeev was kind of the narrator, I guess you would call it, in this story. You could hear his thoughts and know what he was thinking. His reasons for marrying Twinkle were stupid, but it makes you wonder how many people actually do that. Marry just because. He couldn't have known very much about her, with just dating her four months before marrying her. That is very interesting. What was even more interesting was how he continued to say things about them spending the rest of their lives together, and comments like that. It didn't once mention about divorce or ending it or anything like that.

Another thing that was weird, I thought, was towards the end when he was contemplating locking them up in the attic and doing whatever he wanted to. Then he mentioned how he had a return of feelings from before when he didn't know all of her flaws. Yet he still said something negative about their relationship afteward. I couldn't really make sense of all of that.

How does all the Christian parafanalia fit into everything? What was the significance of him hating it because she loved it? I have my theories, but I automatically assume my theories are wrong. It's times like these that I wish I could be in the author's head and thoughts. So I could just know exactly what he was thinking instead of having to assume or guess and possibly be wrong. I could interprate a totally different meaning then the actual meaning. I don't like that.

Painting and tea.

So, the exercise we did in class on Thursday was definitely something I'll never forget. One thing that can be said of this class is that it is unlike most classes. It really lets you try new and interesting things. Some may not work for everyone, but then again some exercises may really stick out to people. It was a little hard to get past the idea that my painting didn't have to be good, but rather it was the process of painting by which we were judging this exercise. For that I am grateful, because my artwork did not turn out so well. I don't think painting made anything come more alive to me, but I do think it will help me remember Joel and what it's about a little longer. I think maybe the painting exercise would be even more effective for me if I did it with some other type of literature also. So, I may end up giving that a try.

I read through the PDF you gave us online for next Tuesday. I liked it I think I liked the air of which it was written more than anything else. It was very quaint and elegant, I felt. I thought it was written with great detail, and I could visualize everything in the way I thought it might have happened. One quote that really struck me was, "The whole while, I was learning What the lens of my eye meant in the world." I'm not even quite sure I know exactly what this means, but I really like the way it flows. Another quote that stuck out to me was, "Before the mirror, I could see Why scandal had tattooed even the aird she'd Walked through." And then of course he went on to describe her beauty and how captivating it was. I just think he had a really great way with words. Very poetic like.

Title

This time as I read through Joel for the second time, I tried to think of just what I could paint that would match up with this book. Nothing has come to mind. So, I am thinking that this painting adventure will definitely be an interesting experience. Not only that, but I am not very artistically inclined to put it nicely.

The activity we did in class on Tuesday, or technically, out of class did not really benefit me, personally. I felt that it was nice to read outside, but actually speaking it out didn't make it come anymore alive then did reading it in my dorm room. In fact, reading it out loud made it harder for me to process. So I would find myself reading a sentence out loud and then repeating it silently in my head so I could really grasp it. Maybe I wasn't doing it right, but that is my opinion for what it's worth. However, I am glad that I tried it and got to experience it. For some, I believe they had a positive experience with it.

I wish I knew what Joel was thinking as he wrote this book. I would have liked to see what he saw in his mind's eye as God revealed these things to him. My imagination is probably much different than his was, so I feel that he probably visualized this stuff way differently. It would be interesting to see it through his eyes. I often think of what it would be like to have God reveal things to you that He hasn't revealed to anyone else. What would it be like? How would He reveal it? That is just something I have always thought about. Anyway, in re-reading Joel, I did see some things that I didn't see before which is always cool, I think. Whether we accidentally skipped over it the first time, or we zoned out during that part, or it just took on another meaning the second time we read it, it is still pretty cool.

Joel

Joel is my brother's name. In his house they have a Bible open up to Joel on a table near the kitchen. That is what I always think about when I hear about the book Joel. That has nothing to do with the book of Joel. I just thought I would share anyway.

One thing that kinda struck me was where he says, "For the day of the LORD is coming; Surely it is near," It made me think of how we are today, and have been for decades, possibly even centuries. In fact, it may have even started after Jesus left this earth and went back up to heaven. We say that the day of the Lord is near. How long have we been saying that though? Is it really near? Or will there be many more generations before Jesus comes back to take His saints? After all, we do not know when this will take place. I just find it interesting that we have been saying this for so long, yet we really have no idea if He will be coming back soon or not. It's something to mull over, I think.

Another thing I liked was when he said, "Now return to the LORD your God, For He is gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness And relenting of evil." Living in a completely imperfect world with plenty of imperfect people, it is kind of hard to imagine perfect. So, I think this verse is just a good reminder for me personally that God really IS perfect. Completely perfect. There is nothing wrong with him. He has no flaws. And He created me. He loves me. It's a crazy thought, yet completely true. It is definitely a comfort.

As a side note: I have heard the scripture "That I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind; And your sons and daughters will prophesy, Your old men will dream dreams, Your young men will see visions."  over and over, but I never actually knew where it was located. Now I do.

Hope in the darkness.

"We face darkness, then, in order to keep our peace and joy." by Paul Corrigan

This is a quote that particularly stuck out to me. Typically, when you think darkness or pain you don't equate peace and joy with it. That may be what you are praying for while you are going through that rough time, but you usually don't feel peace or joy until the healing process begins. Hope, however, is something that is possible to experience while in times of darkness. In a way, I guess that is the only time you really need hope. Whenever your life is all fine and dandy, what is really the point of having hope?

I understand the pain of losing a grandfather. I lost mine a few years back. With my grandfather, he went through a long process of illness and pain before the illness over took him. The doctors never could find out what was wrong, and up to his dying days did they try to figure it out. They probably would have still been doing tests the day of his death if my grandma hadn't stopped them. Sometimes we hear of people who are relieved when their relatives died after they were ill for a long time. They wanted their suffering to stop.
Well, when my grandfather passed away, I was not yet to that stage. I was still in the selfish stage. Sure, I was relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore but I still wanted God to heal him, not take him away. Maybe that's what everyone really wants. Who knows?

The last paragraph was the perfect ender, I think. It really topped off the whole thing. Kinda like the hope in the darkness.

Monday, September 13th.

C.S. Lewis is an artist, in my opinion. He definitely has a way with words that I am quite jealous of. Anytime someone is suffering in a way that cannot be consoled, it is hard. You long to be able to help that person, but unfortunately the heart has to go through a process, and sometimes people cannot really do anything to further that process along or make it happen quicker. Most times, the only thing of real value we can do for someone is pray for them.

Well, in A Grief Observed it is obvious he is experienceing pain like he's never experienced before. I think it was really brave of him to write down all the questions he had. It's hard having questions and no answers. And maybe it's even harder fessing up to some of the questions we have. I heard it said around the classroom multiple times about maybe some of the questions he had being heinous. Part of me wants to say that it is completely wrong to question God in any way, shape, or form. After all, the only reason we are here is because God was gracious enough to create us. Another part of me, however, says that we should be able to question God. After all, He did create us and put us on this earth. So, I think I wrestle with the guilt I feel after questioning God and also with just wanting some of my questions answered. I don't really know what I'm trying to say.

I feel like this blog has become something that I just use to get all of my ramblings out. Like the words I'm typing aren't actually making any real sense. But I guess technically, anything written down, whether coherently or incoherently, is literature, right? It may not be good literature, but it's literature none the less. That is the whole point of this class. To dialogue with literature.

Cemetery

I went to the Lakeview, Roselawn and Tiger Flowers cemetery complex for this fieldtrip, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes.

No suprise, I found the cemetery to be sad. It makes you wonder who these people were and how they lived their life. It also makes you think about where they are now. Only God knows, I suppose.

Blog number four!

So, as we all know, this past Tuesday was the meeting in the restaurant to discuss literature for an hour. I'm not sure I have actually ever fully discussed literature for that length of time. It wasn't too hard, and I think we kept the conversation alive well enough. We all brought pretty different stuff, which I thought was cool. That gave us a variety of things to talk about. I do have to say though, we might have been lost if there had not been a guideline to help us along. It was fun though, definitely a nice break away from the actual classroom.

Here soon, I believe we are going to be reading Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. I read most of that book recently, actually. I'm not sure how much I should say about it, for fear of giving it away to those who have not read it. But I will say that it did make me think. He expressed a few interesting ways of looking at God, that I guess he came up with because of his grief. Grief can do crazy things to a person. I am not sure I would have ever pictured God the way Lewis portrayed Him at one point. Maybe, I would have if I ever was grieved as much as Lewis was. Another thing I found interesting about the book is that he wasn't even married to her for very long. In fact, if I recall correctly, he hadn't even known her for a long period of time. Compared to people who are married their whole lives to someone, they were married for a very small season of his life.

I am interested to read it again, and see what all I missed the first go around. And actually, I didn't even get to finish it the first time I read it, so this time I will be able to read the whole thing. And with it being such a small book, I'll even be able to read it quickly and possibly in one sitting.. That's good to me.

So that's all I have to say about literature for the moment. Maybe after this Thursday's class, I'll have more ammunition :)

Love

"What We Talk about When We Talk about Love"  was slightly depressing and even a little bit confusing, in my opinion. It was pretty obvious that the more seasoned couple did not have that spark or passion that the other couple still had, and I almost felt that they were getting annoyed with each other more than anything. Who's to say if either couple were really in love though?

What is the definition of love?
Upon looking it up the definition ranged from things like tender, passionate affection for someone to sexual intercourse to concern for others well-being.

I guess we could consider this the world's definition of love. But what is God's definition of love? After all, He is the inventor of love, is He not? I would really like to just have a one on one chat with God. I mean, who doesn't? To be able to have all our questions answered, sounds so good. What would be the point of life then?

Anyway, enough meaningless banter.. back to the story. Mel aggravated me a bit, by the way he talked sometimes. In fact, I feel like the whole story was kind of made to put you on edge. Make you just a little bit frustrated. I mean, they practically opened the story with Terri describing how her ex husband used to abuse her, and then with her and Mel arguing about if it was really love or not. I'm more of a peaceful person by nature, so antagonist don't appeal to me much.

Something else to think about. What is the point of discussing suffering? Does it change the fact that people suffer? Does it make their suffering any less or make them better capable of enduring it? When talking, I like there to be a point at the end of the discussion. I like there to be an action plan to change the suffering we are talking about. I've suffered. Not near as much as others have suffered, and I'm grateful for that. But I'm not foolish in thinking that I will never suffer again either. However, for now, while I'm not suffering, why can't I just enjoy the fact that I'm going through a good season in my life? I'm not saying that just because I'm not suffering at the moment, I don't care about others who are suffering, and wouldn't help them in any way I could. I'm simply saying that I don't want to dwell on the fact that I will suffer again. Is that selfish? Possibly, yes it is.

My birthday blog.

So in class on Tuesday, we did two things that I thought were very fun! The first thing being listening to an old song, and then analyzing and dissecting it. Being as, I have never really analyzed a song before, this was a new experience. It made me learn that I do not observe things maybe as much as I should. For instance, as I am going through life maybe I should pay more attention to how people act and why they are acting that way. Another thing that connects with that is discernment. Being more observant has never hurt anyone, right? Unless I got to the point where I actually over analyzed everything. That might be a problem. Those types of people actually bother me sometimes. Just when they read into every little thing. They make meaning out of something with no meaning. That is completely off topic though, so let me move on.

The second thing we did which I found to be very enjoyable, was reading through the skit. Sometimes I wonder where Proffesor Corrigan finds some of these things, but hey! they are interesting. This exercise too showed me that I am not very observant. For instance, if I had come across that skit by myself and read through it, I would have thought nothing of it when I finished. I would not have gone on to think about it further, and to try and figure out what I think the ulterior motive is. The skit would have just been a funny skit for my enjoyment at that place in time. One thing I think I will end up learning from this class is how to be more keen to paying attention to little things, or just things of importance in general.

Now this may seem like rambling for some, and since I'm not good with words, this probably is considered just rambling. However, I fully know what I was intending to say while I was writing this, and hopefully I will eventually become more fluent with my words making it easier for people to read. :)

Literary Profile

Considering my memory is significantly bad, I do not remember the first time I started reading, or if I was ever read to as a child, however I'm almost sure I was. All I know is that I've always liked to read. That's just always been something I've said when asked what I enjoy doing. I suppose the first huge thing I ever remember reading was a teenage series that consisted of about ten to fifteen books. Currently I'm reading Jane Eyre because I read a book about Charlotte Bronte and loved her story. So far it's good.

I do not do much academic reading. I read more novels then anything else, but I try to make myself read a biography every now and again. I usually end up liking the biography after I finish it, but sometimes they just seem so dry.

Anyway, literature for me has always been about reading and never about writing. Putting words on a page, or even online like now is a bit painful for me. I never know exactly what to say or how to word it. This is especially the case if I am having to come up with something from nothing. Then I could sit for hours just staring at a blank screen.

So last but not least, this is me, with my beautiful niece, Annalyse. She's practically attached to my hip when I'm home for the summer, and I love her to death.