I really liked the discussion in class Thursday about our reading. It made me understand a few things a little better, and it gave me a different perspective on some things also. Re-reading The Blessed House helped me out too. I felt like I understood it a bit better. I didn't really find it an extremely humorous story though. Or really even slightly humorous. Interesting, yes. Unique, yes. Captivating, maybe. Humorous, no. Maybe I just have a different type of sense of humor. Or maybe I need to see the story in acting form. Either way, I had to search for things to laugh about.

When analyzing the characters though, I learned something that relates to everyone in life, not just in this story. Everyone is someone in God, whether they know it or not. If you know that you are someone in God though, what does that mean? Can you do anything with that knowledge? Like you can evaluate your inner self and outer self and work on making things better, but what do you do with your self in God? Do you just know that you are nothing without God because He is the one that created you, and that's it? Something to think about.

I feel like in this story that the characters didn't really know each other yet. He was just figuring out someone of the things she did which annoyed him. That makes sense because they had only known each other for about four months before tying the knot. Then again, how can you really get to know anyone unless you are living with them day in and day out? Only then can you really see everything quirky thing about them. I wonder if Sanjeev really liked Twinkle after that party. I felt like he was really frustrated and annoyed during the party until he had that "moment" where he "felt" something. Which that doesn't really make a lot of sense to me, either. Did that moment just vanish when Twinkle came down the stairs?

One specific thing the class discussion helped me to understand, was one of the very last little paragraphs where he was talking about her shoes. He told her that he had put them in the bedroom and she said thanks, but that her feet her. That didn't really make sense until we made the connection to earlier in the story where he fantasized about her coming down the stairs and running to put the shoes on. However, now that I think about it, earlier in the story he didn't like for her to wear the high-heels and even tried to get her not to wear them. Weird.

A unique story.

This Blessed House was a very unique story, in my opinion. All the way from the character's names to the ending of the story, it kept me intrigued. This was another one of those stories that make me feel like I'm missing something though. That maybe there is this hidden meaning (there has to be) and I'm just not catching on. Maybe if I read it two or three more times the meaning will hit me.

Anyway, I liked how Sanjeev was kind of the narrator, I guess you would call it, in this story. You could hear his thoughts and know what he was thinking. His reasons for marrying Twinkle were stupid, but it makes you wonder how many people actually do that. Marry just because. He couldn't have known very much about her, with just dating her four months before marrying her. That is very interesting. What was even more interesting was how he continued to say things about them spending the rest of their lives together, and comments like that. It didn't once mention about divorce or ending it or anything like that.

Another thing that was weird, I thought, was towards the end when he was contemplating locking them up in the attic and doing whatever he wanted to. Then he mentioned how he had a return of feelings from before when he didn't know all of her flaws. Yet he still said something negative about their relationship afteward. I couldn't really make sense of all of that.

How does all the Christian parafanalia fit into everything? What was the significance of him hating it because she loved it? I have my theories, but I automatically assume my theories are wrong. It's times like these that I wish I could be in the author's head and thoughts. So I could just know exactly what he was thinking instead of having to assume or guess and possibly be wrong. I could interprate a totally different meaning then the actual meaning. I don't like that.

Painting and tea.

So, the exercise we did in class on Thursday was definitely something I'll never forget. One thing that can be said of this class is that it is unlike most classes. It really lets you try new and interesting things. Some may not work for everyone, but then again some exercises may really stick out to people. It was a little hard to get past the idea that my painting didn't have to be good, but rather it was the process of painting by which we were judging this exercise. For that I am grateful, because my artwork did not turn out so well. I don't think painting made anything come more alive to me, but I do think it will help me remember Joel and what it's about a little longer. I think maybe the painting exercise would be even more effective for me if I did it with some other type of literature also. So, I may end up giving that a try.

I read through the PDF you gave us online for next Tuesday. I liked it I think I liked the air of which it was written more than anything else. It was very quaint and elegant, I felt. I thought it was written with great detail, and I could visualize everything in the way I thought it might have happened. One quote that really struck me was, "The whole while, I was learning What the lens of my eye meant in the world." I'm not even quite sure I know exactly what this means, but I really like the way it flows. Another quote that stuck out to me was, "Before the mirror, I could see Why scandal had tattooed even the aird she'd Walked through." And then of course he went on to describe her beauty and how captivating it was. I just think he had a really great way with words. Very poetic like.

Title

This time as I read through Joel for the second time, I tried to think of just what I could paint that would match up with this book. Nothing has come to mind. So, I am thinking that this painting adventure will definitely be an interesting experience. Not only that, but I am not very artistically inclined to put it nicely.

The activity we did in class on Tuesday, or technically, out of class did not really benefit me, personally. I felt that it was nice to read outside, but actually speaking it out didn't make it come anymore alive then did reading it in my dorm room. In fact, reading it out loud made it harder for me to process. So I would find myself reading a sentence out loud and then repeating it silently in my head so I could really grasp it. Maybe I wasn't doing it right, but that is my opinion for what it's worth. However, I am glad that I tried it and got to experience it. For some, I believe they had a positive experience with it.

I wish I knew what Joel was thinking as he wrote this book. I would have liked to see what he saw in his mind's eye as God revealed these things to him. My imagination is probably much different than his was, so I feel that he probably visualized this stuff way differently. It would be interesting to see it through his eyes. I often think of what it would be like to have God reveal things to you that He hasn't revealed to anyone else. What would it be like? How would He reveal it? That is just something I have always thought about. Anyway, in re-reading Joel, I did see some things that I didn't see before which is always cool, I think. Whether we accidentally skipped over it the first time, or we zoned out during that part, or it just took on another meaning the second time we read it, it is still pretty cool.

Joel

Joel is my brother's name. In his house they have a Bible open up to Joel on a table near the kitchen. That is what I always think about when I hear about the book Joel. That has nothing to do with the book of Joel. I just thought I would share anyway.

One thing that kinda struck me was where he says, "For the day of the LORD is coming; Surely it is near," It made me think of how we are today, and have been for decades, possibly even centuries. In fact, it may have even started after Jesus left this earth and went back up to heaven. We say that the day of the Lord is near. How long have we been saying that though? Is it really near? Or will there be many more generations before Jesus comes back to take His saints? After all, we do not know when this will take place. I just find it interesting that we have been saying this for so long, yet we really have no idea if He will be coming back soon or not. It's something to mull over, I think.

Another thing I liked was when he said, "Now return to the LORD your God, For He is gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness And relenting of evil." Living in a completely imperfect world with plenty of imperfect people, it is kind of hard to imagine perfect. So, I think this verse is just a good reminder for me personally that God really IS perfect. Completely perfect. There is nothing wrong with him. He has no flaws. And He created me. He loves me. It's a crazy thought, yet completely true. It is definitely a comfort.

As a side note: I have heard the scripture "That I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind; And your sons and daughters will prophesy, Your old men will dream dreams, Your young men will see visions."  over and over, but I never actually knew where it was located. Now I do.

Hope in the darkness.

"We face darkness, then, in order to keep our peace and joy." by Paul Corrigan

This is a quote that particularly stuck out to me. Typically, when you think darkness or pain you don't equate peace and joy with it. That may be what you are praying for while you are going through that rough time, but you usually don't feel peace or joy until the healing process begins. Hope, however, is something that is possible to experience while in times of darkness. In a way, I guess that is the only time you really need hope. Whenever your life is all fine and dandy, what is really the point of having hope?

I understand the pain of losing a grandfather. I lost mine a few years back. With my grandfather, he went through a long process of illness and pain before the illness over took him. The doctors never could find out what was wrong, and up to his dying days did they try to figure it out. They probably would have still been doing tests the day of his death if my grandma hadn't stopped them. Sometimes we hear of people who are relieved when their relatives died after they were ill for a long time. They wanted their suffering to stop.
Well, when my grandfather passed away, I was not yet to that stage. I was still in the selfish stage. Sure, I was relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore but I still wanted God to heal him, not take him away. Maybe that's what everyone really wants. Who knows?

The last paragraph was the perfect ender, I think. It really topped off the whole thing. Kinda like the hope in the darkness.

Monday, September 13th.

C.S. Lewis is an artist, in my opinion. He definitely has a way with words that I am quite jealous of. Anytime someone is suffering in a way that cannot be consoled, it is hard. You long to be able to help that person, but unfortunately the heart has to go through a process, and sometimes people cannot really do anything to further that process along or make it happen quicker. Most times, the only thing of real value we can do for someone is pray for them.

Well, in A Grief Observed it is obvious he is experienceing pain like he's never experienced before. I think it was really brave of him to write down all the questions he had. It's hard having questions and no answers. And maybe it's even harder fessing up to some of the questions we have. I heard it said around the classroom multiple times about maybe some of the questions he had being heinous. Part of me wants to say that it is completely wrong to question God in any way, shape, or form. After all, the only reason we are here is because God was gracious enough to create us. Another part of me, however, says that we should be able to question God. After all, He did create us and put us on this earth. So, I think I wrestle with the guilt I feel after questioning God and also with just wanting some of my questions answered. I don't really know what I'm trying to say.

I feel like this blog has become something that I just use to get all of my ramblings out. Like the words I'm typing aren't actually making any real sense. But I guess technically, anything written down, whether coherently or incoherently, is literature, right? It may not be good literature, but it's literature none the less. That is the whole point of this class. To dialogue with literature.